Job Seeking and Understanding Classified Ads

Here’s a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:

We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:

We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up well; a
couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:

You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:

We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON:

If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has
been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:

We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal
formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:

You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:

You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:

You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the
pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and
do.

And there you have it folks.  Now you can understand all the adverts and advertisements for jobs that don’t plan on hiring you.