Duties of a House Nerd (HouseNerd)

(1. modified from From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May 1955)
(2. the use of the word “her/his” “he/she” is selected in the discourse of what works in my instances. Pronouns and actions may need slight modification for your unique circumstances.)

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious or microwavable meal ready, on time for her return. This is a way of letting her know that you have been thinking about her and are concerned about her bottom tier of Maslow’s empirical needs. Most humans are hungry when they come home after not eating for multiple timespans (often hours!) and the prospect of a good or even a heated meal (but especially her favorite dish) is an essential part of the warm welcome needed.

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest (or rest all day and take 15 minutes to work) so you’ll be refreshed when she arrives. As nerds are exceptionally piss poor at most things metrosexual, remind yourself (using your favorite GNU planner) to shave, shower, shampoo, brush teeth, lower the seat, and flush the commode, and apply deodorant. She has just been with a lot of work-weary people and is not in the mood to smell doritos intermingled with some creature from a troma movie.

• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for her. Her boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. If this is difficult, consider slipping St. Johns Wort into the microwavable meal you have lovingly prepared. Additionally, do not discount the worth of simple maneuvers such as researching great funny articles from fark or something awful to highlight and lift the mood.

• Clear away the clutter. Well prior to your nerdmate’s departure from work you should already have all your soldering supplies, comic books, macro me, or whatever it is that makes you a nerd in their applicable alphabetized boxes. Now is the time to shove and dive. Make it all disappear. Your mate isn’t going to be in the mood for it when she gets home. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your wife arrives.

(….rest is truncated from lack of cache)